Dating & Meeting New People- When is the 'right time' to share my Disability?

Dating can be both exciting and daunting, especially when you have a disability. One question many people with disabilities often ask is: "When should I share my disability with a potential partner?" First of all, there is no right or wrong time to share your disability. You have the right to share this whenever it feels good for you.

It can feel tricky to navigate this topic. However, the goal is to empower you to make confident choices. This blog will explore some ideas around this topic more. It's important that partners of people with disabilities are accepting, patient, and compassionate. Just as they are trying to understand if you are a good match for them, it's important that you are also trying to understand if they are a good match for you- demonstrating the qualities that you want and deserve in a partner.

Moments for Sharing

To foster a genuine connection, it is essential to create a safe and trusting environment. Discussing your disability can bring you closer together. Choosing a good moment, can be helpful. While there is no universal rule for when to share your disability, certain situations may feel more appropriate.

• After Developing Trust: Starting a relationship with shared interests can create a strong foundation. If you both enjoy hiking or cooking, this shared experience can help you establish a comfortable atmosphere before you discuss more personal matters.

  
  

• Assessing Comfort Levels: Pay attention to how well both you and your potential partner are connecting. If conversations flow smoothly and you feel a mutual understanding, it might be easier to introduce your disability into the conversation.

• After a Few Dates: If you’ve been on a few dates and established interest, this is often a good time to discuss more personal aspects of your life. Research shows that couples who communicate openly about vulnerabilities tend to develop deeper connections.

  
  

• Timing of Activities: If you are participating in an event that your disability affects, like swimming, or a concert, use that context to explain your lived experience.

  
  

• Conversations About Values: Engaging in discussions about personal values or life challenges can create a perfect moment for a heartfelt conversation about your disability.

  
  

Addressing Concerns and Fears

It is natural to worry about how your potential partner may react. Here are strategies to manage these fears.

• Focus on Reassurance: You are not obligated to explain yourself, but if you sense your partner needs clarity, sometimes it can help to share more about your lived experience. You can also share other, bigger parts of your life- like your hobbies, skills, interests & personality.

  
  

• Be Prepared for Different Reactions: Reactions to sharing your disability can vary widely. Studies indicate that approximately 40% of people feel unsure how to respond after learning about a partner’s disability. If people haven't spent much time around people with disabilities, they may feel unsure about how to respond- and that's okay too. It's important that they show kindness to you after you share, but sometimes the interaction may feel awkward. With time & more experience, many people get more comfortable talking openly.

  
  

• What You Deserve: Regardless of their reaction, remember your disability is one part of who you are. You deserve a partner who accepts all the parts of you. Ultimately, you don't want to be with anyone who sees your disability as a negative. Sharing challenges & barriers with the right person, won't negatively impact the relationship. If it does, then it's not the right person for you!

  
  

Benefits of Sharing Your Disability

• Stronger Connections: Being open can lead to more authentic relationships. Your partner may appreciate your honesty, leading to a bond that feels genuine.

  
  

• Filters Out the Wrong Match: If a partner is unable to accept your disability, this indicates they might not be the right fit for you. This clarity can help you find someone more compatible and supportive.

  
  

• Increased Awareness: Sharing your disability can raise awareness and foster empathy in your partner. It allows the possibility for conversations that encourage understanding around disability in society.

  
  

Navigating the Path Forward

Opening up about your disability is a deeply personal journey that requires thoughtfulness. By building trust, recognising the right moments for sharing, and preparing for various reactions, you can approach this topic with confidence. Remember that the right person will appreciate you for who you are—your skills, passions, and your unique qualities.

Embrace openness and authenticity in all your relationships- Ultimately it all comes down to what feels right for you.