People Pleasing and People with Disabilities: How Does it Impact Life?

People pleasing is a very common behaviour that many people use to keep the peace and avoid disagreements. This tendency often involves putting others' needs first, even at the cost of personal wellbeing. The roots of this behaviour can include low self-esteem, a strong desire for acceptance, or experiences that taught people to please others over themselves. "It's easier if I just say yes"

People pleasing is more common among individuals with disabilities for a number of reasons, some of them being: the unique challenges faced, a loss of choice and control and less opportunities to build self advocacy and assertive skills . These challenges can significantly affect quality of life. By understanding people pleasing, its negative effects, and how to move past it, individuals can work towards healthier self-advocacy and better mental health.

The Roots of People Pleasing

People pleasing often traces back to childhood. Many individuals learn from a young age that their value is related to making others happy, often driven by caregivers or peers. For instance, a child might feel pressured to be the "perfect" student to gain approval from parents, leading to a lifetime of seeking acceptance through pleasing others.

Societal pressure contributes greatly too. People with disabilities frequently encounter stigma, discrimination, misunderstanding, loss of choice, and social isolation. To fit in and avoid judgment, they may adopt people-pleasing behaviors. These habits can silence their own opinions, resulting in increased emotional distress. In fact, surveys show that nearly 60% of people with disabilities experience social isolation, which can compound these feelings of inadequacy.

Additionally, people with disabilities are often not given the opportunities to build self-advocacy skills or correctly identify their emotions and express them in a respectful way. People with communication and social disability experience more barriers to being able to express their needs. In our online learning program: Safe & Healthy Relationships; we focus on building the skills to identify and express emotions, say no to people and maintain relationships.

To hear more about our online learning program, email us at hello@relate-ability.com.au

Why is People Pleasing Common Among People with Disabilities?

The prevalence of people pleasing among individuals with disabilities can often be attributed to marginalisation. For example, in many spaces people with disability are surrounded by non-disabled people, feeling different and alone can add pressure to conform and accommodate to others. This is a natural social response of wanting to be included in the group. As a result, people feel they must be agreeable to avoid discomfort and judgment.

Furthermore, living with a disability can bring feelings of vulnerability and inadequacy. According to a study, nearly 45% of individuals with disabilities reported feeling inferior compared to their peers. To cope, some develop a habit of pleasing others as a way to shield themselves from rejection. Unfortunately, this protective mechanism leads to abandoning and forgetting their own wants, needs and feelings.

The Impact of People Pleasing

The consequences of people pleasing can be severe for individuals with disabilities. For one, it often leads to a decline in self-esteem and self-worth. When someone consistently prioritises the needs of others, they risk neglecting their own mental and physical health. This constant imbalance can result in anxiety and depression, making life even more challenging.

People pleasing can also stifle personal growth. Individuals may pass up valuable opportunities for self-advocacy or assertiveness, fearful that voicing their needs will disrupt the delicate balance they maintain with others. For instance, someone might stay silent during a team meeting when they have excellent ideas to share, missing out on recognition and growth opportunities.

Finally, this behaviour can hinder relationships and leave people in a vulnerable position. An accommodating nature may initially seem positive, but it can foster unhealthy dynamics over time. People they know well or even strangers can take advantage of or exploit their tendency to agree. This has become a major issue online as well, where people pleasing behaviour makes people very vulnerable. A survey indicated that about 53% of individuals with disabilities feel their relationships suffer due to their tendency to please others.

Unlearning People Pleasing: Simple Steps

Recognising and addressing people pleasing is essential for self-empowerment. Here are practical strategies to unlearn this habit:

Self-Reflection: Begin by identifying triggers that lead to pleasing behavior. Reflect on instances where you compromised your personal needs. For example, consider situations where you agreed to help someone while neglecting your tasks.

Go Slow & Take Your Time: When someone asks you something, tell them that you need some time to think about it first. When you slow down, you can make sure you aren't responding just to please others. You can really think about what you want and make a decision that feels good for you.

Set Boundaries: Create healthy boundaries by practicing saying "no" in simple situations. This small but meaningful act can build your confidence. By establishing boundaries, you create space for self-care while maintaining positive relationships.

Engaging in self-care activities is vital for reinforcing the belief that your needs are just as important as others. Prioritise time for relaxation, hobbies, or social gatherings that uplift your spirit.

Seek Support: Don't hesitate to reach out for help. Professional support from therapists or support groups can equip you with skills for self-acceptance and assertiveness.

Practice Assertiveness: Start sharing your thoughts and feelings, even in uncomfortable situations. Assertiveness doesn't come naturally for everyone, but with practice, it can be developed.

Your Rights & Healthy Relationships: You, along with all other people, have the right to say no. In healthy and supportive friendships & relationships of all kinds, people should respect each other's right to say no and not agree.